BREATHE & repeat . (goodgirlgoneBLUE)
I often wonder if some of the time I spend on the internet is worth it. When thinking about all the things I want to do and need to do, on a macro and micro level, I wonder how much time little apps and shit take away from really getting shit done. Here are my musings:
Things I Do Chronically
(*) I Surf the Net: I`m always going to surf the net, whether it`s to get information, find music, feel socially connected, buy products, explore new places and ideas .. It`s an activity I would never cut myself off from. Besides, it`s bound to happen. I just need to realize that there are certain times when I just shouldn`t. These times include early in the morning (I put myself into a mental fog with information overload if I surf as soon as I get up. It`s a distraction and takes away from that feeling of ‘I`m ready to conquer the day’)
(*) I Tweet (_exhibitG): I`m human, so at some point of the day, I like to know what`s going on outside of myself. What are other people thinking, doing, saying, going, etc.? Twitter is a good way to keep me connected to the world- it`s like a big chat-mansion and everyone has their own chat-rooms that are connected by hallways (if you follow someone, you`re connected to their room). It`s useful. It has a purpose. If I don`t overdo it.
(+) I Read Headlines: As a citizen of the world and a journalism major, I feel the need to stay connected to the world at large. Also, since I hate the evening news, I typically turn to newspapers as my authority of what`s going on. I used to start my day with a browse of the Philadelphia Inquirer, New York Times, USA Today, Al-Jazeera English and the BBC- online versions of course. Since then I`ve learned that it`s not good for me to digest so much information when I first wake up. I think that I`ll reserve time for world-browsing for the evening (when all the new information for the day has pretty much been stored, rather than having to keep checking these outlets every few hours as things heat up) when I feel too tired to get shit done, but I want to get out of my own head and be informed. If anything really important happens, I`m sure I`ll find out through word of mouth and/or Twitter.
(-) I Go On Facebook: I really took the time to reflect about Facebook and I decided to deactivate my account. My life is not a show to be put on display. I don`t need people to try and track the trajectory of my life by the pictures that I conveniently decide to display. It`s not an honest projection of my life. I don`t even want to project my life, or look at the perfectly packaged versions of other people`s. I have a cell phone if I want to connect. Facebook is too artificial for me, and it makes things a little too convenient for others to get to me.
(+) I Tumble (Good Girl Gone Blue): This is my way of keeping track of my organization process, my strategies, and my GSD methods. It`s a little blue book that helps me track what`s useful and what`s not in my growth and development. That`s all.
(+) I Tumble Some More (Undiluted Soul) & Work in My Baby Collage Moleskine: Even though this can be filed under Surfing the Net, my Tumblr is highly personal. I write a lot about my random thoughts and feelings, my interests, things that I value aesthetically. Whenever I want to feel I log onto my Tumblr. And since I have a personal attachment with it, it`s kind of like my open-ended journal. It`s a journal with no pages- just how I like it. :D However, when I need a journal with physical pages, I`ll just write in or decorate my baby Moleskine. That`s for things I don`t want to share with anyone. It`s a very sacred thing to me.
(*) I Check My E-Mail: I have to. It`s imperative that I check my correspondences daily- and although I wish there was a certain time I could do it (at night) I can`t, because there is work and business-related information that needs to get to me immediately. However, to say it as David Seah did, it`s important to set your own damn priorities. I often feel too accessible. I shouldn`t wake up and jump to check my E-Mail. Nothing can be that important. And if it is, it`s reasonable that they can wait until 11AM. I will only check my E-Mail when i`m organizing for the day and in the evening. Unless it`s priority, I won`t stay glued to my inbox.
(+) I Update LinkedIN: A business/professional networking tool. Nothing more, nothing less. Track my resume across time, basically. This is the projection I don`t mind people witnessing if it is conducive to my professional growth.
Things I Want To Do:
(&) Wunderlist: I had a GSD application called Things that I absolutely fell in love with. Wunderlist is a lot like Things. Unfortunately, Things didn`t work well for me because I didn`t use it for one thing. I tried to put every single thing I needed to do in Things and tackle it with no idea how, why, or when. Also, when I left my Mac, I had no idea how many Things were left to do. Well, Wunderlist has an iPhone application so that solves the last problem. Also, I`ve decided that I`ll give it a try, but with a specific purpose. I will organize my projects and ideas that are major and require multiple steps. This way, I can break them down into little pieces and keep them off my daily to-do list and my mind- where they don`t belong.
(+) iCal: This is a smooth and sexy application- when used correctly. And since I now have an iPhone, I can sync it with my Mac and keep in perfect touch with everything. One thing i`ve tried to do is pair notes with my iCal. Bad idea. I`m only using iCal when I have somewhere that I need to physically be. Meetings, events, and appointments only. Everything else needs to be sorted elsewhere. No tasks, no ideas- only “GO HERE @”
(+) David Seah’s ETP: I love planners. So much that I`ve bought very high quality ones that I don`t put to use AND tried to create my own to no avail. Why? Because I can`t do shit with blank space. David`s ETPs are simple, yet sexed up to the max. They remind you to allocate short time to tasks (kind of like timer GSD apps I`ve tried before that were too suffocating) and take breaks, and keep sight of your major goals- while still offering space for the inevitable ‘shit happens.’ They`re beautifully designed with a space for everything. I think I`m going to like these.
Other than my ETPs, Tumblrs, iCal, Wunderlust, and Baby Collage Moleskine, I`m going to keep other distractions to a minimum. Everything besides those is monkeying around. Which is fine, of course, in moderation.
So, I think I`ve found a new friend-in-the-head. David Seah is a freelance designer who has a bit of an obsession with structuring his days to increase productivity and income. It`s pretty necessary for him because he is his own boss, and therefore has to structure his own day without walls. It`s kind of hard to do that, so he`s implemented his own systems. He has amazing organization sheets called ETP which I plan on trying out in my own system. His productivity blogs are amazing and they inspire me to keep working on Good Girl Gone BLUE. I`m not the only one out there that desires maximum organization and productivity without too much structure. He understands that there`s only a certain amount of time that you can devote to projects a day, and that you need to socialize and connect to feel like a human being- so you need to make time for that too. He`s also an introvert (like me) so he plans time for himself, and is compassionate enough not to beat himself up when he goofs off.
Ultimately, the goal of a GSD system is to keep you aware of what major and minor goals you have (for your day, your month, the season, etc.), break those up into manageable tasks that you can handle without feeling like you bit off more than you can chew, and track your progress. It`s a very introspective process that helps you learn things like what time of day you are most productive, and using information that you learn through self awareness to maximize your day. You don`t have to beat yourself up because you`re a night owl. You need to learn how to structure your day so that you get the most done at night, and you feel good about how much you have/can accomplish. All in all, I`m glad I stumbled across his site
Right now I`m coming up with the blueprint for my new GSD system. I`m going to try it out over the next few weeks before school starts so that I can have a pretty good working model that will be effective during the semester. I`ll keep you updated with my progress. (;
I try and re-define my life every week… and as liberating that is for my organized mind (I love plans, designs, and layouts- these things excite me), I take an emotional beating when I fall a little short.
I can`t be that person every single time. I can`t expect a miraculous change overnight. It`s a journey. And I can show my commitment to myself by making it easier- breaking it down into little steps, and allowing myself wiggle room for practicality and ‘shit happens.’
* placeholder for recipe & pictures.
7/19/2011
D-Day (detox)
Proceed with water only.
50x50x50x50 core + 200 crunches.
1 mile.
* the fuck ups.
(Esto fue antes de que decidio que hoy era D-Day)
Cafe negro.
Un tortita.
“He that will not apply new remedies must expect new evils; for time is the greatest innovator” - Francis Bacon
The only way to change is to admit, accept, and commit to making it.
Confession #001: I am an emotional spender.
When I am particularly bored or unsatisfied, I feel the urge to spend money. If I look in my closet and feel underwhelmed by the selection, I have a compulsion to buy new threads to feel more comfortable, prepared, or fashionable. If I’m loafing around on the sofa and I want to get out of the house, I don’t think of what to do .. I think of a destination where I can amuse or entertain myself (movies, shopping district, restaurant, piercing parlor, etc.) and its usually at a price. After a long week of mundane work, I think of buying exciting, shiny things to try, wear, and flaunt in order to feel fresh and new. When I get a paycheck and a large sum of my money slips right of my hands in order to fund my obligations (dues, bills, etc.), I’m tempted to spend some of what’s left on myself in order to feel that I’ve worked for me.
It’s a problem.
Not because I can’t pay my rent, or because I’m always broke. I don’t really have big money problems when I’m working consistently, because I don’t have too many financial obligations (yet). My spending habits aren’t so bad that I have suffered for shoes or something like that. But still, I acknowledge that if I were to limit my spending I would be able to save for things that really matter instead of giving in to immediate and teporarily gratifying sprees. If I don’t monitor my spending consciously for a short period of time, I’m left wondering ‘what happened to all that money I had?!’ I don’t like that feeling. It took me a few years to understand that if I deny myself that one Icee at the movies, and this breakfast roll this morning, or a new bottle of nail polish … I won’t die. I won’t have amazing memories about eating that Icee and consuming that breakfast roll, or painting my nails. It feels great to buy those things at the moment.. but hours later, the feeling is gone. I’ll probably paint my nails two or three times before the thrill is completely replaced. And then weeks later I’m left wondering if I would have told myself no a little more, perhaps I would be able to go on this vacation, or be closer to my savings goal of a new car by January 2012. I know that deep down, my emotional spending comes from a place of insecurity and boredom. Now what?
These are my biggest triggers/problems:
Unchecked spending. I will walk into a store wanting to spend on anything in general instead of with a need to purchase something specific. Also, I won’t give myself a reasonable spending limit when I hit the door.
Here are my rules to curb unchecked spending:
Rule #ES-001: If I don`t need something from a store, I will resolve to browse and not make any purchases.
Rule #ES-002: If I need (let`s use that term loosely) something from a store, I will give myself a reasonable spending limit before I enter the store and stick to it. I’ll also check other stores for the same item to see if I can find it for cheaper. I’ll also resolve to buy only that thing I went into the store for. Unless there’s a crazy sale.
Boredom spending. If I am at an event with vendors, I’ll buy things just to have memories of the experience - or to feel that I’ve accomplished something during the visit. Even worse, I’m chilling with the homies I’ll look for entertainment that involves spending money (usually on food or verde).
Here are my rules to curb boredom spending:
Rule #ES-003: I’ll give myself a Boredom Budget each month that I can not go over the limit. If I spend too much too quickly, then I’ll need to find other things to do.
Rule #ES-004: I will find free or inexpensive alternatives to have fun with friends in advance, rather than waiting until I’m faced with a spend-or-bend dilemma (I usually spend in these situations. Ex. “I’m bored and hungry. How about we go to IHOP?!” - how can I say no to that in the moment?!)
Event spending. If there’s an event and I need to be seen, I will whip out the card in a heartbeat to get everything ‘right’ before the occasion. While there, I’ll spare no expense to enjoy myself and look great doing it. This one is super tough, and I’m guessing it’s because of all the social forces at work. If I don`t look good, I won`t feel good. If I don`t feel good, I won`t be able to enjoy myself. = /
Rule #ES-005: I will plan for the event much in advance, and give myself enough time to put together things I already have instead of pinning myself in a day before the event and being forced to go shopping to get the immediately put-together look.
Rule #ES-006: I will tell myself that I am good enough, and that no amount of anything I can buy will make me any better. If people can`t see that, then they don`t matter, do they?
Rule #ES-007: I will factor in the cost of attending and come up with a modest spending amount before purchasing anything for the event.
Spending on FOOD. This is hard as sh*t. Even though I don`t eat much and I`m consciously choosing to eat less, food is a frequent and necessary evil.
Rule #ES-008: I will come up with a food plan. What days will I pack my lunch? Where can I get cheap food from? How many times will I allow myself to eat out this month? How many times will I allow myself to go to fast food places? How much will I spend at each outing? During the semester, I will commit to eating/ordering out once a week, and twice a month (one restaurant, etc.) and sticking to cooking in my apartment as my primary source of food.
Spring 2011
I did not do very well last semester. My grades were horrible and I felt financially constricted. I felt constantly overwhelmed, and by the end of the Spring I had been apathetic toward my coursework, but still highly optimistic about my future. I felt that I had slipped too far to pull myself back up in time, and that I should focus on getting myself mentally adjusted instead of using brute force to will myself into a decent standing academically. Ultimately, I chose my mental health over my academic progress.
Quite a few things contributed to me being overwhelmed. Being chosen to become a Zeta monopolized every aspect of my life and wore on my psyche daily. It overshadowed every part of my life and it made me a wreck. By the time I had been made, I seriously doubted if I had enough time to ‘get back on track.’ I needed a break- mentally, physically, from everyone and everything. However, I finished close to finals time and I was thrown right into a scholarship program.
· I didn’t have any time to rest my mind and re-center myself, so I began to take time away from things that were really important (school) in order to attempt to do so.
· I focused my energy on things that would make me forget my problems through entertainment, but this only made me feel worse about slacking on my priorities.
· Every time the fun died down, I thought about what else I had to do. It was draining.
· The McNair Program was extremely stressful, and I wasn’t mentally prepared to make those kinds of obligations after being stressed to the max for two semesters.
Fall 2011
Because I still haven’t had any down time, I don’t want to give myself more than I can handle next semester.
· I will make a semester-by-semester plan for the rest of my academic career.
· I will not overload myself with credits. I will give myself time and space to perform well.
· I will not take on too many responsibilities. My main focuses are my classes, my research, my family, and Zeta.
· I will understand that I cannot do everything, and I will not commit to things that I cannot or do not plan on following through with.
· If I feel overwhelmed, I will not try and escape through distractions (especially spending). I will meditate, I will drink water, and I will exercise.
· I will organize myself every week, and revise during the day. I will make a plan for myself for the day to maximize my time, and I will always schedule time to unplug and clear my head.
· I will think about what measures were effective for me, and what did not work well.
· I will reflect about why I felt the way I did on my most and least reflective days.
· I will take time to explore new things and places on my own.
· I will make time for the people who matter to me, and make me happy.
· I will be more considerate of other people’s time and feelings.
· I will try and do my best at work, in order to remain financially independent and in order to feel comfortable that my co-workers trust and respect my professionalism.
· I will eat moderately
· I will exercise daily, especially when I become stressed.
· I will take time to read things that are important to me- in the bathroom, before a nap, before a meeting, on the train, etc.
After a prompted reflection about professionalism, I came up with these character attributes that I feel that I have and that I constantly aspire toward. This is the impression I want to leave people with through meeting me the first time, establishing communication, and close-proximity experiences with me. This is the effect I want to have
Visionary • Passionate • Goal-Oriented • Capable
in Communication: effective, articulate, cultured
via Correspondence: professional, credible, involved
by Appearance: prepared, coordinated, attractive
in Networking: well-connected, serious, valuable
by Work Ethic: intelligent, hard-working, innovative, abstract thinker
through Challenges: resilient, enjoys complexity, strong
to New People: confident, independent, marketable
upon Arrival: timely, focused, accountable
“Ultimately, all relationships are temporary. False attachment to another can become an addiction, a voluntary bondage detrimental to clear perception”
*placeholder for thought
